Top Scoring Items In Hell And Heaven REVEALED !

2019-03-01T08:08:20.000Z Honest Cash

Hello there. Do you have a nose ?

Yes ?

You’re exactly the person I’m looking for. So I’ll let you in on a secret.

I’ve built the perfect predictive model based on A.I technology and complex bullshitology.

Thanks to this secret, non-patented, fictional, and 100% reliable model, I’ve been able to predict what will happen after judgement day.

And you know what ? I’m spilling the tea just with you and not on a website with high virality potential through a system of claps, follows and publications.

So open your reading holes and check out this confidential report about what you’ll need to be a top scorer in the house of your choice : ice cream eating heaven or *Lil Pump *listening hell.

Top scoring items in heaven :

  • Didn’t participate in the ten year challenge.
  • Saved plants from murderous vegans.
  • Giving to the poor. The word poor refers to teens with few words in their vocabulary who end up saying things like “vaykay” or “thicc”. Give them a dictionary and you’ll win 70 points.
  • Killing bugs and cockroaches. Murder is wrong. The only exception being these crawling f**kers.
  • Stealing a console used by kids to play Fortnite. Negative points from theft are offset by the high grades the kids will get.
  • The hairdresser responsible for Trump’s ridiculous hair.

Top scoring items in hell :

  • Donating to feed kids in Asia. Bonus points are only given if the kids fed are from Africa.
  • Calling a dog adopted 5 years ago a rescue.
  • Telling someone his Arts degree is worthless. He already knows it, idiot.
  • Is responsible for the short battery life of the iPhone.
  • Making a ‘thoughts and prayers after a tragedy’ tweet while sharing a picture displaying his beach bod.
  • Playing Farmville. The people who received Facebook invitations will unite on judgement day to democratically vote the sinner into the best performing microwave hell has to offer.